How Committed Are You To Your Opinions?

Every human being has thoughts, but what would the world look like if everyone remained firm in their opinions. How committed are you to your opinion? The goal of this blog is to explore that question. In the opening sentence, I asked what the world would look like if everyone just focused on their opinions. Let’s shrink the sample size and think about our relationships if we all lived through our perspectives. We wouldn’t relate!

So, why are we so committed to our opinions? It’s common to believe that being ” right makes us valuable.” Yet, as we interact with others, we realize our true worth lies in our ability to connect. Having friends, committing to a spouse, and one day having children. None of these relationships can function if we are more committed to our opinions. Then, the health of our overall relationships.

Any healthy or accountable relationship involves open dialogue. People honestly discuss their ideas until agreements are agreed upon. These conversations take having the capacity to acknowledge someone else’s opinion is better for the overall relationship. We call this “Best Practice.”

What is “Best Practice?”

It’s the merging of our ideas into a connective purpose. It’s a structure that encourages us to stand still until we can move as one. According to Jason Murdock, every human has 6,000 thoughts a day. This means we have 6,000 opinions flowing in and out of our heads daily. So, this idea that our opinions house our identities isn’t accurate. Then, what makes us who we are? It’s a combination of our beliefs, principles, and the decisions we make. These three components assist us with our connection to others.

So, how committed are you to your opinions? We can share them with strangers, people we deem associates/colleagues, or the people we Love. But, before we attach absolute dedication to them. We must understand that they will be challenged, confirmed, discounted, or disregarded by others. Why! Because others also have opinions, which they believe wholeheartedly. Therefore, when sharing thoughts in our relationships, the goals should be synergy instead of investing absolute stock in our views. The focus is on working together to come to agreements.

The art of coming to agreements is the cornerstone of practicing “Best Practice.” As mentioned above, Best Practice is the structure of using every idea to search for the best course of action. So, ask yourself, am I in relationships to validate myself, or did I add people to my life to verify our connections? The answer will explain who we are in our relationships. It will cause us to examine who we are as people.

I know you are asking yourself, what about convictions?

If we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything. In no way are we saying people shouldn’t be convicted. Yet, convictions are about believing in known commodities. When our opinions lack validity and are connected to our self-worth or identity, the problem lies. How can we be convicted to an idea? When they cheat on us the most time. Yes, have conviction but base it on honoring the quality of your relationships, which will take challenge each other’s opinions until agreements only exist. 

Therefore, our commitments shouldn’t be to something as fluent as our opinions. We should be committed to our agreements. How Committed Are You To Your Opinions? If your answer is still very, ask yourself are you ready to be in an accountable and healthy relationship. 

The Lovesnobs

Arguing is Healthy for our relationships. We tend to avoid arguments because we believe they will add stress and disrupt relationships (which can happen), but what if we start embracing conflict and get the desired outcome. What if we start seeing arguments as fighting for our relationships instead of against them.

As a society, we are constantly dreading the negative. We are waiting for “the drama” so much that we create more drama trying to escape it. We keep our opposing views to ourselves, manage the people in our lives, and paint healthy relationships as who can argue the least. But, Arguing is healthy.

And here are four reasons why…

Conflict Is A Tool For Resolution.

We have different ideas which give us our identity. But, in relationships, our goal is one accord. Conflict is a tool for resolution. We have to start looking at arguing as a chance to resolve our differences. Yes, we have to be productive in our approach to arguing, but we must first see it as an opportunity, not a hindrance.

Conflict is good. It shows an investment in the relationship. It gives each person an opportunity to discuss what’s not working. Reshaping our mentality around the word “Argue” starts us at the midway point to solving issues.

This brings us to the second reason arguing is healthy.

Arguing Is Where Free Speech Is Housed.

Yes, I repeat.

Arguing is where free speech is housed. We can freely show our passion for a topic, have a heated exchange, and strengthen our relationship in the process. The first sign that a relationship is unhealthy is when you never argue. Two strangers coming together will disagree on so many things.

What will make two or more people compatible is their ability to search for agreements in disagreements. Doing this will take patience, will, and honor. When you have mutual respect, creating rules of engagement is freedom. Free speech is essential for our psychological, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

Which is an excellent segway to our following reason.

 

We Collect More Stress Holding Our Thoughts In.

Have you ever gotten a headache, felt fatigued, found yourself easily angered, and had constant negative thoughts. Then, look at the person who shares their views and opinions; clear-headed, energetic, calm, and optimistic. It’s because they are alleviating their stress by having open dialogues. They embrace conflict, are vulnerable enough to risk being wrong, and stay engaged regardless of the many emotion they feel in the heat of the battle. They understand that walking away “in wonder” will be more stressful than weathering a disagreement.

We collect more stress holding our thought in. Disagreeing and ultimately coming to an agreement is a stress reliever. It may be difficult in the beginning, but your body will thank you later.

Arguing is healthy for relationships.

Every Relationship Will Benefit From Ironing Out Our Grievances.

As soon as a problem arises, the healthiest way to support your relationships is to address it. The best time is in the moment, but if the moment isn’t ideal, make it known you want to have a discussion later. Look forward to the conflict, believe it will bring you and the other person (people) closer. We must never forget we are in a relationship together, and it is every party’s job to maintain the relationship’s health.

Disagreements are beneficial for our relationships. Yes, we can have arguments that spiral out of control, but in all the chaos, clarity will be found. Every relationship will benefit from ironing out our grievances.

Overall, Arguing gets a bad rap, but it is only a tool. How we use the tool is within our control. Make sure you use arguments to strengthen your connections and not show how much of an individual you are. Remember, Arguing is healthy for our relationships.

So, embrace them!

The LoveSnobs

Why Are Everyday People Diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

If you have a TikTok account or watch Instagram reels, all down your feed are unqualified people diagnosing others with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s like not going to the doctor because you googled symptoms.

Let’s look at the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. (definition provided by Melissa Burkley) 

Under this definition, everyone without a Ph.D. diagnosing people is guilty of having an inflated sense of importance. Though, I know they are not narcissists. I also understand how extreme the diagnosis is. Most cereal killers, psychopaths, and social paths are diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder, which is only 1 percent of our population(according to Melissa Burkley, Ph.D., and 5 percent of our population has narcissistic personality disorder as documented by Cleveland Clinic. 

 

So, all these people saying they are running into individuals with this disorder can not be accurate. 

Let’s take it one step further and break down the symptoms of having this disorder. 

The first is having an inflated sense of importance. I will ask you to find who doesn’t suffer from this infliction in this social media era. We eat and believe people want to see what we are eating. Go dancing and think people want to be in the club with us. We walk down the street just staring at the camera and posting it. All of us believe we are a brand. In my era, it was described as “faking it to you make it.” Now, it is called having a social media presence. Either way, most of us have an inflated sense of importance. Are we all narcissists? No! Yet, people choose who fits this criterion without looking in the mirror.

What are some of the reasons people are saying others have Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

They married, dated, or befriended someone that only thought of themselves. Being an Accountable Relationships Builder, my question to these people would be, how long did you know they only thought of themselves? And won’t believing you can change them classify you as being complicit? “I was tricked, manipulated, and controlled.” Where is the accountability in knowing but not acting? Relationships are about “give and take,” so if you aren’t getting anything from the relationship, why do you stay long enough for the relationship to fracture your identity? 

Who is the Narcissist? The person who’s insecure enough to mistreat people who Love them or those who believe they have to power to endure the mistreatment! Who is the person that has an inflated sense of their importance? An actual Narcissist plans to hurt you from the beginning and gains power from following through. Most people hurt others because they are selfish, not because they get pleasure from doing it. 

 

 

The second symptom is “an excessive need for attention and admiration.”

I am revisiting social media and all the self-interests feeding our feeds. I, I, I! We all can’t be “Narcs,” can we. So, when discussing a person with a Narc Disorder’s need for excessive attention. We are talking about them not caring who they deceive, hurt, or kill to get that attention. They have no connection to people, only their desires. 

Now, go back and listen to ten people on your social media page (that are not a psychologist or psychist) describe their encounter with a person they believe has this personality disorder. See how many of them are talking from a place of hurt, anger, and disappointment. I would guarantee 95% of them didn’t encounter the 5% of the population. They met a person looking out for their self-interest, not a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  

 

The third component of the diagnosis is trouble with relationships.

Don’t we all have a past of problems with relationships! Relationships are all about chemistry. People are coming together to honor agreements. At least that describes healthy, supportive, and accountable relationships. Most people have toxic relationships because they build them on emotions instead of principles. Narcissists have trouble with relationships because they don’t even see people; they see pawns without telling anyone they are playing chess.  

They can’t build bonds with other human beings because they are more focused on getting excessive attention and admiration and feeling great from being so damn vital to the human race. Narcissists see Love as a weakness and power as Love. As long as any person we encounter Loves someone in this world, they aren’t narcissists. They just didn’t Love us or misused us until they found someone they could Love.   

The fourth and final symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a Lack of Empathy for others.

Again most of humanity suffers from this inflection. The main reason is they believe empathy is about the emotion instead of listening and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. In our Blog Post “What’s Your Top Four Core Values,” we explain empathy like this “I can talk to a person and see it from their vantage point. When I listen, I listen to understand, not from one side, but in search of validity. I am impartial, even if the outcome does not suit me personally.”

What makes a Narcissist’s Lack of Empathy more glaring than Joe Smo. They don’t care to be empathetic, whereas the “normal” human tries. They never intend on working together, bonding, or being a healthy exchange. Their focus is on masterminding the plan to misuse individuals just because they can. They are feeding the beast born in them. 

So, let’s revisit the question, Why Are Everyday People Diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder? It’s because they read, watched, or listened to a professional describe the characteristics of this disorder and decided they are in a relationship with Narcissists. But my question remains, did they take this person to get diagnosed, or are they allowing their pain, disappointment, ego to render the diagnosis?    

And the fact that a person can wake up one day and play doctor (psychologist or psychist), what does that make them? 

The LoveSnobs