When sitting and watching a television series, I heard someone say, “if it doesn’t succeed, someone is going to have to pay.” We take this same approach with our relationships. We say, “I have been heartbroken before, so prove you are different.” We don’t factor in the other person in has also been hurt. Maybe not in the same way, but wounded nonetheless. Believing past pain gives us the right to interrogate future connections. 

Stop! Think about how relationships should begin. Wanting someone to pay is counterproductive. Should the relationship’s foundation start with “prove it?” Or do we say this is a fresh beginning? Step back and ask yourself these four questions: do I like this person? Do I want to get to know the person in front of me? Am I ready to be responsible for the well-being of another? Am I willing to allow someone to be accountable for mine? Once you answer each question honestly, trust the chemistry between you.

Someone must pay for it if it doesn’t succeed, but what if it does? It may not be successful, and people may get hurt. But squandering an opportunity to have a great friendship or life partner will be more harmful. So, study the past. Allow it to be a guide for unwanted company. However, please don’t use it to push away wanted bonds. Your quality of life depends on you knowing the difference. 

 The LoveSnobs

What are Accountable Relationships?

Accountable Relationships are relationships governed by choosing to honor agreements. They are primarily Friends, Romantic Partners, and Co-parents. These are all relationships we consciously choose. However, you can have an accountable relationship with a relative, but only when you build a friendship component.

What Is The Difference Between An Accountable Relationship and Any Other Relationship?

We knew you were asking yourself this question when you read the title. What makes an Accountable Relationship different from any other relationship? The first thing that comes to mind is that relationships vary based on commitment, time, and investment (We discuss “The Four Types of Relationships” in another blog.) But, to stay on topic, what makes Accountable Relationships different is that they are centered around friendships, romantic partners, and co-parenting.
It’s an agreement (choice) to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Accountable Relationships allow us to identify the choice over the obligation of a relationship. For example, we are born into a family with circumstances. It was not a choice, yet we carry the last name, bloodline, and connections by inhaling. When we start a friendship, romantic partnership, or have children, we must partner with others to enhance our lives and theirs.
Consequently, we are expected to honor promises within these bonds. Meaning we’re directly responsible for the success or failure of these relationships. They are the people we chose!

What Makes These Relationships Accountable?

Good question! Yes, some use the word friends loosely. People always break up, and not everyone honors the choice to be a co-parent. All this is true. What makes relationships accountable is how they are constructed.

First, we should define what it means to be a friend, couple, and parent.

If we can’t commit to the labels, how can we commit to the bond the titles represent? I know many people have bought into this everyone is “different” movement, but Accountable Relationships are about getting on the “same” page. So, before committing, agree on what each title means before moving forward.

Second, discuss the long-term value you bring to each other’s lives.

We can’t say this enough, “stop calling strangers your friend or romantic partner, and stop having children with strangers.” Before you agree to lifetime committed titles, ensure you know them enough to understand their long-term value. Accountable Relationships are about having purpose through bonds, not just passing the time. So, discuss the long-term goals which would make the roles clear.

Third, keep the lines of communication flowing.

We should never center our ability to communicate around an emotional response. Yes, it may be overwhelming, but providing choice is fundamental in an accountable relationship. People can’t make informed decisions without being informed. So, make sure you are communicating and allowing the strength of your connection to dictate the terms. Nothing is too little or too big if your relationship is solid.

Fourth, once we have committed to a friendship or romantic partner or decided to co-parent, we should allow our core values and principles to lead.

Our values are our relationship boundaries. They should be reasonable enough to have a quality life. Yet, strong enough to protect the foundation of our relationships. For example, a friend’s child has stolen something from your home. Your first thought is not to make it a big deal, believing it will cause more harm than good. But, one of the relationship’s core values is honesty. You say something, follow the agreement, and trust your relationship can withstand your honesty. Remember, we do not govern our principles. They govern us.

Are You In Accountable Relationships?

If yes, you can read this blog and check every box without a problem. If your answer is no, get everyone you Love together and rebuild the foundation of your relationships. No more worrying about being Judged. You should be judged by how you and others merge into each other’s lives. Accountable Relationships are connections with people who take pride in honoring their commitments to one another. They embrace the village mentality.

By The LoveSnobs

Throughout all our relationships, we are in consistent flux. Defining the terms of our affinities will clarify the bonds. So, what are these four ways to interconnect with each other? The four types of relationships are Transactional, Reciprocal, Necessity, and Convenience. Knowing and understanding them is vital to navigating our connections. So, Let’s further discuss the four relationship types. 

The Four Types Of Relationships

A Reciprocal Relationship:

A Reciprocal Relationship is where we invest in each other’s quality of life. These are personal relationships, friends, romantic partnerships, and co-parents. Unlike a Transactional Relationship (the next relationship we will discuss), a Reciprocal Relationship is a “give and take” of mental, emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual support. They are long-term commitments to enhance and receive enhancement from others. It is a lifetime bond. So, our words and actions should always reflect our ties. Reciprocal Relationships are the foundation of our village. 

Transactional Relationship: 

A Transactional Relationship is a relationship between supply and demand. You are establishing an association for the sole purpose of goods and services. We typically find these types of relationships in business practices. However, we enter a Transactional Relationship when we borrow money, pay someone for a service, or connect through a good or service. So, if you borrow money from a friend, it is a Transactional Relationship. Don’t think you do not have to pay them back because they are your friend. The Reciprocal Relationship will persist, yet understanding the owed money is a separate connection that could hurt the friendship. So, make sure you recognize the difference. 

A Relationship of Necessity: 

A Relationship of Necessity is a relationship built around someone solely relying on another person for basic needs, like food, shelter, mental health, or physical care. It’s assisting someone with their day-to-day needs. It can be for a short or long period. It is a dependent relationship. These relationships typically consist of care for an infant, health care work, social work, or psychiatric or rehabilitation centers. However, if a spouse, friend, or child gets injured or has an addiction, we may enter a Relationship of Necessity yet, when they have recovered. The relationship should return to a reciprocal one. 

A Relationship of Convenience: 

The relationship of Convenience is the escape connection. It is using someone’s time with no intention to commit. These are associates, co-workers, or someone you dance with at the club. It is a Relationship of Convenience if you use someone to pass the time or work toward a mutual goal without a connection. However, a Reciprocal Relationship can be convenient when you call a friend or spouse on a drive to work to pass the time or use one not to spend time with the other. It can be an innocent or harmful gesture but centers around boredom and selfish gain. 

All and all, our relationship types can overlap. Identifying each one will be crucial to the health and accountability of our connections. So, think about all the relationships you encounter throughout life and start placing them in their respective places. It will go a long way for us to build bridges instead of burning them.  

The LoveSnobs