How To Be Accountable Parents

Being an accountable parent is about building an accountable relationship with your children. Tough love is part of creating that bond — but soft, tender love is just as essential. As parents, we have to know how to develop our children without breaking their spirit, and without breaking down ourselves in the process.

Building a village is a core part of accountable parenting. A village gives us the support to nurture our children and to take the breaks we need to nurture ourselves. Extra caregivers mean extra sets of eyes and more personalities for our children to relate to. They challenge us when we’re wrong and encourage us when we’re right. The more like-minded people we surround ourselves with, the better our children’s chances of becoming accountable adults.

Our children are a part of us — a reflection of us. So we don’t view parenting as raising children. We view it as building an adult from birth. That framing keeps us conscious of one truth: our children will live as adults far longer than they’ll live as kids. And that mentality is exactly what pushes accountable parents to study their child’s temperament.

Who Is My Child?

Accountable parents expose their children to a range of activities, environments, people, and cultures — then watch what they gravitate toward. That’s how we hone in on their real interests, and how we learn which experiences they want to repeat and which they don’t.

Children can be perfectionists, and they bore easily when they aren’t interested, so keeping them engaged and challenged matters. Remember: just like with our friends and our spouse, we have to stay in tune with our children’s likes and dislikes to actually know them.

Show Them Who You Are

Before your children entered the world, you had your own interests, likes, and dislikes. Accountable parents share those. Show them what brings you joy. Tell them what frustrates you. Build a genuine bond.

Who better to be their first relationship than their parents? Teach them the flow of a relationship — give and take, take and give — so they can go on to build accountable relationships of their own.

Create Structure

Structure doesn’t mean a dictatorship. It means a dependable environment. Structure teaches our children how to enjoy life without destroying their relationships in the process. It builds character.

When you build a system, the boundaries have to be clear. The parent-child relationship is a relationship, so the structure has to let both parent and child flourish. Accountable parents explain why we don’t touch the stove, play in the toilet, or hit — while also affirming a child’s limitless potential, making time to sit and talk, and encouraging them to play and explore.

Remain Focused On The Destination

Before you had children, what were your dreams? Keep chasing them. A fulfilled parent raises fulfilled children. This is another place our village is essential — we need people around us who believe in our vision and who won’t let us lose focus on the destination.

Parenting shouldn’t be a hindrance. It should motivate us to protect our role-model status — to keep reaching until we have the kind of life we can one day encourage our children to build for themselves.

So How Do We Become More Accountable Parents?

• Build a village
• Ask “Who is my child?”
• Show your child who you are
• Create structure
• Remain focused on the destination
• Be the accountable adult you want your child to become

And most of all: always remember you’re building a relationship with your children. Both parent and child have to be represented in it.

If you want support, we offer Accountable Parenting Sessions

By The LoveSnobs