Emotional Intelligence In Relationships Is A Process
Emotional intelligence in relationships is a process — and it’s essential to building accountable relationships. It’s a term most people have heard, maybe even researched or studied. But how many of us actually understand the process? That’s what this blog is for. We’re going to define emotional intelligence, break down the process, and show you how to use it inside your relationships.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. As stated by (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence)
Now that we’ve defined the term, the real question is: how do we actualize it and build stronger connections through it?
Three Ways To Prepare
First, stop thinking emotions vary by the individual.
“Emotions exist to make us more interconnected,” not to create division. So when we’re experiencing happiness, anger, or fear, we need a shared, settled definition of those emotions in order to understand them. “When we constantly rewrite the meaning of an emotion to fit our circumstances, we only create confusion. Understand what it connects us to instead.”
Second, align the correct emotion with the actual experience.
We all know the person who has a hard time being vulnerable. They laugh to keep from crying at a funeral. Maybe they fixate on a missed shot even though they won the championship. Or they punch you in the arm when you tell them you love them. That’s how that individual handles the moment — but it’s also a sign of low emotional intelligence. Responding inaccurately to an emotion creates a disconnect. And as we said, “emotions connect us.”
Third, identify whether the emotion will advance or hinder the relationship.
When we interact, we have to start from the truth that everyone feels. Two people can feel completely different things inside the same experience. Think of a rollercoaster. One person panics, the other grins — and both have ridden five or more before. The excited rider understands they gave up control the moment they got on, and they’re ready to embrace the ride. The terrified rider fears something else entirely. They want to prove something to someone or to themselves, and they believe they control more than they actually do — which is irrational.
Relationships work the same way. If you genuinely want to commit, you’ll understand and honor your agreements. But if you enter a bond for the wrong reasons, you’ll sabotage it
The Three Stages Of Emotional Intelligence
Those three steps are how we prepare to interact with others. Now let’s talk about how we actualize emotional intelligence in the moment. There are three stages: Active, Proactive, and Reactive. Most people have seen these arranged differently — proactive, active, reactive. But in real time, the order is different. Here’s why.
Active emotion. When we’re feeling an emotion, it’s active. We’re feeling it right now. It’s real and it’s happening. Whether we’re in a state of joy, frustration, or silliness, an emotionally intelligent person begins the proactive step here. Others simply react the moment the emotion shows up.
Proactive emotion. Proactive is the understanding stage. I know — when you hear “proactive,” you think before acting. In this case it comes after active. Here you step back, name what you’re feeling, and weigh the benefits and consequences of reacting…feeling joy in a loved one’s pain, getting frustrated with someone who cut you off in traffic, being silly during a classmate’s presentation. This is the moment we stop and think before we react.
Reactive emotion. Reactive is the response. If we completed the first two stages, we’re mindful before we express anything. We’re not only emotionally intelligent — we’re accountable for our reactions, and those two go hand in hand. If you react the instant you feel something, you’ve got some work to do.
In Conclusion
Intelligence is great for business and for showing off our academic prowess. But being intelligent emotionally is what enhances our relationships. It teaches us to use our emotions to build deep connections, and saves us countless rounds of drama and apology in the process.
So use this blog as a guide to becoming more emotionally sound, and encourage your loved ones to do the same. It will strengthen the bond while building more accountable relationships.
The LoveSnobs
