Why Are We In Relationships, Looking Past Them?
Why Are We In Relationships, Looking Past Them?
We sit in an empty house, wishing a partner would share the space. So we date several people at once, passing the months — a few matches from the apps, three or four fix-ups from friends and family.
Searching!
We narrow it down to the one who shares our vision for life. The one who feels like they’d add variety to a straightforward existence.
We bond!
Life starts to look incomplete without a commitment. So we decide. We go from you and me to us.
Two years approach. We’re sitting in a house, staring into the eyes of a person who has become a series of questions.
Where is this going?
Are we going to have children?
Is this it?
Things aren’t bad. Actually, they’re the best we’ve ever had — which is what makes the next steps feel so vital. So we broach the topics. Marriage is confirmed as a mutual goal. Kids could be conceived tonight after work if we wanted. Every question gets answered. Our life is back on track. The house is starting to have a future.
Why Are We In Relationships?
Now we have two children, defined roles, and steady employment. Yet the house is never empty anymore, and we find ourselves wishing for space. Life feels crowded. Partner, children, never-ending responsibilities — we’re overwhelmed. For a few hours a day, we miss the emptiness of a house with no partner, no children, no weight. We start to resent our younger self. We start taking our life for granted.
Guilty!
So those thoughts get locked away in silence.
Projecting!
We wonder if our partner feels the same when they kiss our lips and stare into our eyes.
Searching!
We search their soul for that same recognition. But there’s nothing — nothing but love, gratitude, and a flicker of sadness when they catch something in our eyes.
Our partner asks, “What’s wrong?”
Guilty!
Why are We In Relationships,
At first we think to lie. But guilt — not honor — pushes us toward honesty. Our partner looks us in the face and says:
“We’re in this together. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t make me the enemy. Honor our agreement to be fair, honest, straightforward, and devoted. You’re not cheating on me with your thoughts — you’re cheating on me with your silence. And silence will break us.”
In that second, we finally understand why independence is the death of interdependence — and how we forgot we had a person who would work with us.
So we cry in relief. We nod yes. And we stop living in our head and start living the life we built together, out loud.
Love Is A Group Journey means sharing life — not assuming it.
Think about it.
