Can we break up and remain friends is the question at hand. This question has many layers, but the short answer is “yes.” Two people can break up and remain friends. We (The LoveSnobs) will assume the next question will be, how? The follow-up question is where the layers exist. There are many variables to factor in. Why did you break up, do you still have respect for one another, are you mature enough to watch them date and possibly marry someone else, and do you have a vested interest in their quality of life. The answer must be “yes” to all these questions before you can pursue a relationship with an ex.
So let’s examine these questions one by one:
1) Why did you break up?
The reason why you both broke up is essential because it will establish the foundation for the friendship. For example, if, as a couple, you both consistently attempted to build a romantic connection, and it wasn’t in the cards. Yet, you both still enjoy each other’s company. The shift from romantic partners to friends will be smooth. But, if someone cheated, lied, abused, or took the relationship for granted, the transition would be difficult. We would say almost impossible. After people went through a relationship where they disregarded one another, it is hard to build a different type of connection on shaky ground.
However, those two examples highlight an exceptionally healthy and unhealthy breakup. Most of us fit somewhere in the middle. We had some great times and not-so-great times. So, most people have to evaluate if there is more good than bad before being willing to build and maintain a friendship. Why did you break up is key to addressing the success of being future friends.
2) Do you still have respect for one another?
I know “respect” has become one of those overused terms. And many use the word without truly defining it in their relationship, which is probably why the breakups occur. Now, when looking at friendship, the first thing both people should do is establish the word “respect” for the connection. They must start their new relationship better than they ended the old one.
Once both parties define what respect means to them, they should ask one another if they can honor the word for a lifetime. Remember, calling someone your friend means you will be in each other’s life forever. So, have enough consideration to sign up fully or not at all. Regardless, this new commitment starts with having respect for the other person. Do you still have respect for one another? Can we truly break up and remain friends?
3) Are you mature enough to watch “Your Friend” date and possibly marry someone else?
Single life means exploring future connections with someone else. A break-up ultimately means that everyone is now single.
This can be difficult for several reasons: 1. Not being the first person to connect with someone else, 2. not spending as must time with the other person anymore, 3. possibly not getting along with their new partner, and 4. watching them be affectionate with someone else. We need to factor in all these variables before agreeing to be friends.
A part of being mature is, discussing the option of each person moving on. Meaning both people need to sit down and discuss the rules of engagement moving forward. Do you only want to meet the person when the relationship is serious, do you want to be a part of the process, are you ready to see your ex (now friend) intimate with someone, are you going to agree to choose someone who understands you are friends with your ex? Every question should be answered before committing to the next chapter.
4) Do You Have A Vested Interest In Their Quality of Life?
Faith!
Can you put all your emotions aside to honor principles? Can you commit to ensuring your friend is in the best position to succeed? They are not your ex-partner anymore. They are your friend. Therefore, you are no longer the lead role in their life. It’s time to assist them with living a quality of life. Whether it be a career, supporting a dream/ venture, or advising them on romantic interest. You signed up to be a willing participant.
Ask Yourself, “do I have a vested interest in their quality of life, or do I just want to be in their life because I don’t want to let go?” There is a distinction. Not wanting to let go means you are in the relationship for self-interest. Being ingrained in your friend’s quality of life means their happiness adds to your quality of life. One benefits both parties involved, and the other aids one individual. Don’t start a friendship with your ex if you are not ready to be their friend.
These four questions need to be clear before thinking about pursuing a friendship with your ex. If the answer is “yes” to all these questions, both people can honestly say they can honor every agreement. The connection will start on a solid foundation, and the transition will benefit both parties. Isn’t that why we become friends in the first place because we have a mutual benefit in each other’s lives. So, yes, we can break up and remain friends.
The LoveSnobs
