A foundation is essential when Building Accountable Relationships (friendships and Romantic partnerships). Building Accountable Relationships starts with Four Questions.
1) What is your faith?
We should always know what our friends and partners believe. It allows us to understand our convictions are aligned. A person’s faith defines the standard of the village they build. Our beliefs make us the best version of ourselves. We deserve the best of our friends or partners. Knowing their devotions allows us to bring out the best in each other. Long-term connection depends more on agreeing to a set of beliefs over-committing to a person/people. The most important part of an Accountable Relationship is setting standards that allow us to hold each other accountable and flourish as a union.
2) Who are the most important people in your life?
We are never just entering a relationship with one person. We are entering a relationship with the people close to that person. So, before calling someone, your friend, or partner, meet the people closest to them. If we decided to forge a commitment, these people would be in our lives. They are not competitors; they are new teammates. It won’t be easy to co-exist if you don’t like the people closest to a potential friend or romantic partner. The painless part is getting to know the potential friend or partner; the challenging part is getting to know everyone they hold dear. But you must! Never talk yourself into skipping this step. It is necessary to Build Accountable Relationships.
3) What are you not willing to change (Your Convictions)?
Again, measuring a person’s conviction is essential. Commitment is more about maintaining a standard than changing our stances. We all will change qualities about ourselves (ideally for the better) when merging with another person/people. What is your identity? The several attributes that make you recognizable. The LoveSnobs call them “Core Values.” If you are honest, allow your honesty to attract people that find it refreshing. If you are a nurturer, never change that quality because people have taken advantage of it in the past. Search for the people who will nurture the nurturer in you. Connect with people without asking them to compromise their identity.
(If you are wondering the difference between the first and the third questions, look at “Faith” as the home association. An agreement everyone agreed to honor, which allows the group to be accountable. Look at identity as a home. It’s a distinct structure, personally decorated, yet still a piece enhanced by the home association. )
4) What brings you Joy?
If you don’t know what gives a person Joy, how can you bring joy to their lives? The entire reason for committing to any relationship is receiving and providing daily Joy. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that is never satisfied? No! So don’t guess. Ask the person/people, “What brings you Joy?” Get a clear vision of whether you can assist or provide Joy. If the answer is yes, get creative and spontaneous with the list of Joys. Knowledge equals healthier outcomes.
Building Accountable Relationships starts with Four Questions. Answering these questions builds a strong, healthy, supportive, and loving foundation. If you have the answer to these four questions, you are ready to construct Accountable Relationships.
